Dating someone you actually like
So the person you’re dating has admitted they have depression. You really don’t need to change how you treat them or dramatically alter your behaviour.Or you walked in on them crying because they’d forgotten to buy cereal, and you’re starting to wonder if something’s wrong. There are just a few things you should probably know. We’ll say we’re fine when we actually feel like we’ve just climbed out of a deep, dark hole in the ground.Language is powerful in itself, but a depressed person will read into what you say, take it deeply personally, and analyse it for hours until it confirms every bad thing we think about ourselves. Sometimes it gets too much and we just come along to that big party/dinner with friends/lunch with your parents. We’re not being flaky, we just don’t feel like we can do it today. Please don’t endlessly question why we’re feeling so rubbish. We can feel great and think we’ve finally got through this one day, then find ourselves in a pretty dark place (in our minds. Medication can mess things up for a bit, as can, well, just being depressed. Each reason our life is brilliant feels like a little stab in our heart, asking: ‘why aren’t you happy? We feel awful about that, and we already feel like self-obsessed oversensitive arseholes for being miserable with our comparatively brilliant lives. And we don’t need anyone confirming our belief that we’re sh*tty people.If we say there’s no reason or we don’t know, we mean it. We don’t just need to turn on the light) at 2am the next night. It still feels like there’s a lot of stigma around mental illness and we’re scared of being judged. All easier said than done when your brain’s telling you to stay in bed in the dark and never, ever leave your room.
We’re fine with explaining how it feels to you, but it’s really not our job to educate you on mental illness and what causes depression. I don’t cry 24/7 and I doubt that many depressed people do. We know it’s not a big deal that we’ve lost our socks. It’s just our depression muddies up any excitement or joy we’d usually feel. So don’t assume we’ve magically cured ourselves of depression because we’ve told you we’ve been fine for the last few weeks. Actually expressing that we might need medication is deeply, deeply scary.
Maureen Mc Keon, a LCSW practicing on Long Island, New York, states, “The definition of borderline [includes] a pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships.
One of the main symptoms of BPD is an intense fear of abandonment.
You are always watching what you say or how you act, because your partner tends to get on your case or has been critical of you in the past.
You just never feel completely relaxed around them, even after dating for a good amount of months.
If you are with someone and don't really want to introduce them to your friends, this is not a good sign (and you should ask yourself why! If you are with someone and they never bring you around their friends, it's another sign.